Week 4, Post #3

      In this weeks reading I learned an important concept called personalized communication. This kind of communication is a language using “I” statements. By using “I” instead of “You” statements it alleviates any type of defensiveness that may arise during communication.  There are many advantages to using “I” statements a few being: revealing honesty, providing necessary information, and reducing defensiveness.  Though there is a certain level of vulnerability that comes with using “I” statements I believe that it personalizes communication. When having a conflict with a loved one by choosing your words wisely and using “I” statements it allows for you to get your point across more effectively without the other person feeling attacked. For example, when I had an issue with someone I worked with I voiced my feelings using “ I” statements ,which showed her how I was feeling without pointing the finger at her.  I find that by learning about more effective ways of communication we can help to eliminate conflict in our life, or at least learn how to better deal with it.

Week 4, Post #2

       In chapter 4 it states, “ Thinking is more than simply ruminating about the conflict: effective conflict managers effectively analyze the situation.” (pg.70) This quote really resonates with me because when other people talk to me I try to not only listen to what they’re saying but also pick up on other non-verbal messages. A perfect example of this is body language, you can tell a lot about what or how a person is feeling by the way that they present themselves. I personally try my best listen to what people are saying, even if I think my ideas are more warranted. I do this to gain a better understanding of where the other person is coming from. Unfortunately, I do have trouble retaining some of the information that the person has told me because I’m already mentally set in my ways. Often times taking the time to listen is one of the most important things you can do when engaging in  interpersonal communication.

Week 4, Post #1

       Based on the S-TLC system, it demonstrates how to resolve interpersonal conflict through basic communication skills.  S-TLC stands for:  stop, think, listen, communicate. Though this is an effective way to deal with conflict hypothetically it’s often times hard to not respond automatically when a conflict arises. This system tries to teach us that by taking the necessary steps to resolve conflict instead of acting impulsively the outcome will be more favorable. For people that have a problem acting impulsively I would give them the advice to just stop! By stopping when a conflict arises it allows ourselves to regain our composure and act in a more responsible way.  When I feel a conflict arising in my personal life the way I prefer to take a time out is by going to the gym. By removing myself from a hostile situation and going to work out it allows me to relieve stress as well as think of a better, and mutually beneficial solution to the existing conflict.

Week 3, Post #3

When talking about mediation the term intake arises, meaning. “ the preliminary phase in which the parties seek help from a third person who decided to intervene.” ( pg.200) When solving issues involving conflict getting a third part involved as a mediator allows for both disputants views to be heard in a controlled environment. I perfect example of this is in an old job that I used to have there was an issue between me and a manager. It got to a point where we weren’t  going to resolve the conflict between the two of us so someone from the human resources department got involved in the dispute. This is a very effective way to address the issues at hand in a non threatening environment. Both sides were heard from the people in HR and eventually the conflict was resolved mainly in part due to the help of the informal mediation by a third party.

Week 3, Post #2

When dealing with any issues of conflict I believe that it’s all about how you approach the situation. For example, when framing is used mediators ask neutral, friendly questions to avoid passing blame or passing judgment. Also, reframing is a way to diffuse a situation dealing with conflict. This involves taking negative or biased statement and turning them into a more neutral, or relatable idea making it more approachable. Common ground is also a major thing that mediators must highlight. If commonalities are expressed an agreement is more likely to be met. Also, by using fractionation we can turn complex issues of conflict into smaller more approachable ones. I believe that conflict is bound to happen it’s just a matter of how we deal with it. These four techniques I listed are effective ways to address conflict and determine a route towards agreement when conflict is involved.

Week 3, Post #1

To answer this question we must understand what exactly the role of a mediator is. A mediator is defined as “ a neutral third-party who has no decision-making power regarding the outcome of the mediation.” (pg.197)  Communication majors would make good mediators because I feel like we would encourage the people involved to communicate and work together to develop a solution. I believe that communication majors demonstrate subjective neutrality which, “honors the validity of each person’s story without deciding who is right or wrong.” (pg.197) On the other hand lawyers would find it difficult to play the role of a mediator considering that what they do for a living is take sides and remaining neutral never happens.  I don’t quite see how psychotherapists would have a difficulty being mediator considering that it’s their job to create a positive atmosphere and listen without being judgmental.  If a psychotherapist wasn’t a good mediator I think they should consider another line of work.

Week 2, Post #3

A concept that I learned from reading this weeks assigned reading is called gunny-sacking. When this occurs hurt or anger is stored up until they eventually explode. From my personal experiences this is something that I try to avoid at all costs. By addressing issues before they become toxic is one way to avoid conflict. This is done through being assertive, if issues are just bottled in their bound to reach a breaking point resulting a negative result. If we are honest to ourselves and the people around us about our feelings we won’t have to hide them. In my last relationship we failed to communicate our issues with each other and just avoided them all together. Unfortunately, this resulted in us resenting each other because what could have been easily fixed if addressed was put off for so long that it caused our relationship to turn sour. Through gunny-sacking little problems turn into big problems due to the lack of communication when dealing with issues of conflict.

Week 2, Post #2

When it comes to parenting I believe that every parent has the right to raise their child the way that they chose. However, there is communication considerations, or factors that influence the choice of one’s approach. One thing that I don’t stand for is mental or physical abuse to a child. When disciplining a child hitting them encourages violence and gives the child the idea that you gain power through physically harming someone. This idea could be carried on into adult hood and negatively used in future relationships. Disciplining a child should consist of things that hurt far longer than a spanking, such as loss of privileges. By removing your child from certain activities that they enjoy it shows them that these are in fact privileges earned by good behavior. People overstep their paternal authority when they cause bodily harm to their child or plants ideas in their head that their somehow inferior, which leads to lasting emotional trauma. Every situation involving parenting varies in some way and the approach parents take often times depends on many contributing factors. 

Week 2, Post #1

In dealing with conflicts I seem to favor the relationship-centered orientation. I do believe in assertive communication, which is “ the ability to speak up for one’s interests, concerns, or rights in a way that does not interfere with the interests or infringes on the rights of others.” (pg. 53) I use this orientation because the conflict isn’t resolved until both parties involved are satisfied. I’m a firm believer in compromising when solving conflict, which in turn leads to initiating a problem solving strategy. Through assertiveness we are able to reach a middle ground without being passive or overly aggressive. When dealing with conflict I try to keep an open mind and deal with the issues at hand in the most civil way possible. The only exception I can think of is when the person involved in the conflict with me is completely unresponsive and hostile in return at my civil attempt to compromise.

Week 1, Post #3

One concept from this weeks reading that I can relate to is the “ Confrontation Avoidance Cycle.” I can think of a time specifically in which avoiding conflict ends up backfiring and leading to a continuous negative view of conflict.  Growing up as a young child we’re taught that conflict is something that we should avoid. When I was younger I got picked on a lot for being over-weight yet I continually ignored the kids teasing me because the situation made me nervous. Naturally, we tend to put off or avoid situations that make us nervous. Though this may be a short term fix, many issues worsen the longer they are ignored. As I tried my best to ignore the bullies and avoid conflict entirely, my anxiety surrounding the conflict led me to act out and handle the conflict badly. Instead of addressing the conflict in the proper way I avoided confrontation for so long that one day I snapped and got into a fight with the kid that was bulling me. It was because of the way that I viewed conflict and the way that I handled the situation, that my negative view of conflict was confirmed and the cycle started again.

Week 1, Post #2

        Though I believe a non-process view of communication, relationships, or conflict is unbeneficial we’re all guilty of it at one point or another. I find that often times the thoughts or feelings we have about these such issues are often stagnant and rarely waiver as a result of the natural fear that human beings have of change. What we are most comfortable with can take precedent over what might benefit us or the people around us most. I take a non-process view from the standpoint that I don’t necessarily agree that there are a series of stages, but more certain behaviors or actions that lead to our views. It’s these very views that are the basis in social situations involving communication, relationships, and conflict. I believe that thinking can be changed by education ourselves. Many people view conflict as a negative thing, though the act of conflict resolution may benefit us more than if we had no had the conflict at all. Learning is an on-going process that requires you to constantly change your thinking. Through conflict resolution we are able to identify the six confrontation steps and eventually resolve the conflict. By learning to identify the problems, needs, and issues one is able to come to a mutual understanding and eventually reach an agreement.

Week 1, Post #1

       According to a number of recent studies conflict is a “ common and inevitable feature” in close social relationships. (pg.6) Humans are often put into situations where conflict arises, it’s at this point for each individual to decide how they will respond to this conflict. I do believe that conflict is an inborn trait considering that as human beings we have emotions and certain moral standards in which we live by. Though I view conflict as a normal human trait, it shouldn’t effect our relationships with the people we surround ourselves with. I actually see conflict as a valuable asset because in the conflict management process we learn to listen to the opposing sides of the people involved as well as developing or improving our relationship with the people involved. Due to the fact that conflict in communication is bound to happen at one point or another it’s best to know how to deal with conflict in communication, and view it positively as a way to resolve problems.