Final Post #3

     I learned a lot of relevant information/skills throughout the course of the semester, which I believe I will be able to take with me and implement into my life far after the course. I think one of the most important concepts I learned form this class was the conflict shouldn’t be feared/ignored. The way we are raised we are taught to avoid conflict, as there is a negative connotation associated with conflict. In any relationship there is bound to be some type of conflict that arises at one point or another. This class has shown that through various methods we can address the issue of conflict and formulate a solution that is mutually beneficial to both parties involved. Conflict is a fact of life and many people aren’t equipped with the necessary communication skills to approach the situation in a respectful manor. As long as both parties involved in a conflict are given the opportunity to state their sides an agreement is sure to be made. The conflict often times lies when an individual feels like their voice isn’t being heard or their being mis fairly represented.

Final Post #2

     I would recommend this course to any student that doesn’t mind setting aside a good amount of time to complete the conflict resolution workshop. Considering this is a 4-unit class the workload is inevitably expected to be more intense. Something that I would like to commend the professor on is how she was always readily available to answer questions and clarify assignments. Also, the way her blog was set up it make it very clear what was assigned and when it was due. From a students standpoint nothing is more irritating than a professor who doesn’t respond to e-mails or doesn’t post grades in a timely manor. She did all of this and more, which is why I would definitely recommend this class to another student. It’s not a class that you can be lazy in and skate by, yet it she gave us all the tools as students to do well in her class.

Final Post #1

     All in all I believe this class had way more strengths than weaknesses.  I enjoyed the way the class was set up to where we did posts on the readings that we did every week, as well as responded to our classmates. Though the Conflict Resolution Workshop stressed me out and took up a lot of my I was happy at the end, as I felt a real sense of accomplishment. Also, the discussions as well as the material in the course textbook I found to be very helpful and informative. The thing I liked the least was the amount of time that I had to dedicate to the workshop. Though this isn’t necessarily a weakness of the class it was a lot to handle considering the other classes that I’m taking as well as fitting it in with my busy work schedule. I can honestly say that there was no real evident weaknesses of this class.

Week 10, Post #3

     According to the text, a set of interrelated components act together as a unit it’s called a system. Furthermore, when the system maintains itself in the pursuit of a goal Homeostasis occurs. (224) In the example of marriage both people must be committed in order make the relationship work. From my experience with my parents and the way that I was raised it leads me to believe that when two people work together it allows the unit to function as whole. Obviously, conflict is a normal part of interaction, though we must learn how to deal with the demands form the people that we’re interacting with on a daily basis such as our husband/wife. The idea of homeostasis occurs best in a relationship with a close person and seeing exactly how you react in certain situation in which conflict is involved.  When a holistic perspective is used on the couple the idea of unity among the couple is key, which just further justifies homeostasis.

Week 10, Post #2

     The attribution theory states that, “ people act as they do in conflict situations because of the inferences they make about others based on their behavior.” (216) Often times when false attributions are made about someone a conflict situation is intensified.  By blaming someone you are exhibiting negative conflict behavior, which would most likely lead to intensified conflict. When making an accurate attribution about someone it can greatly reduce false conflicts as discussed in the uncertainty theory. Furthermore, when false conflicts are exhibited it can cause negativity in situations regarding conflict, which is why accuracy is key. Therefore, accurate attributions are made it can actually help you in conflict situations. There was a time when I handled a conflict situation they way I did based on their previous behavior, it turns out the best decisions was made based on the accurate attribution. Whether someone has an internal or external attribution, the accuracy plays a major role in the outcome.

Week 10, Post #1

        The first term I searched was revenge, in which a lot of episodes from a show entitled “revenge” on ABC came up.  I have never heard of the show, yet the fact that they have a show which is centered around revenge leads me to believe that notion  of “ an eye for an eye” (177) is considered to be socially acceptable. When I searched forgiveness I found sites pertaining to psychology and the bible. Based on the sites represented from the internet search forgiveness the process of “ letting go of feelings of revenge and desires to retaliate”( 176) are held in a high regard and is highly encouraged.  When I searched reconciliation  the majority of the sites talked about peace and justice and restoring a mutual respect between individuals. Also, this term had more of a global outlook, as a result it had the greatest variety of sites.

Week 9, Post #3

I found the section on self-fulfilling prophecies to be quite interesting. In this case, “  people act toward us in the way that we expect.” (185) For example, if you begin to act like you don’t trust an individual they may begin to  act in untrustworthy ways. I see this as almost convincing the other person that they are doing something wrong, when really their not. A perfect example is when you’re in a relationship and you partner doesn’t trust you without good reason. In this case one may begin to question if your partner thinks your untrustworthy because of the dirt that their doing behind your back. As a result, one might begin to do things pushing the limits of trust that they might not have done if they were trusted in the first place. Often times if you act like there are issues in the relationship that aren’t there, they might begin to eventually arise.

Week 9, Post #2

There was an event in High School in which one of my really good friends began to date my ex-girlfriend just weeks after we broke up. What made it difficult to forgive him was that he “ had not admitted wrongdoing, apologized, or asked for forgiveness.” (179) Given that my good friend offered me no real apology or explanation made it very hard to forgive him for what he did. Given that he was aware of how I felt about the situation if he had initially shown some type of remorse it might not have been as difficult to forgive him. I think it was interesting how the text pointed out that age plays a role in determining forgiveness. In fact, “ one study found that college-aged students, who were hurt in previous dating relationships, found it more difficult to forgive than any other age group who had similar experiences.” (179) When it come to finally forgiving him it  greatly impacted my mental health as suggested in the text because I no longer had negative feelings which decreased my stress and anxiety levels. 

Week 9, Post #1

I have had a facebook for a couple years now, yet I only go on about once a week out of sheer boredom. I see facebook as an invasion of privacy. I think it’s a weird concept that people who barely even know me know exactly what I’m doing, where I’ve been, and what’s new in my life. The way I view this issue is, if I want to keep in contact with you I’ll call you or see you. I don’t care about how I present myself on facebook because I don’t update it, ever. To be honest I have wanted to delete my facebook many times and think the whole concept is a little strange. I do respect where social networking sites have gone, yet I just view them as a complete invasion of privacy. I know there are millions of people that would disagree with me and swear by facebook, yet I’m a simpler person who believes relationships should be maintained through actual interaction, not passive forms of communication such as texts and social networking sites.

Week 7, Post #3

     The concept called the ventilation approach is a style that I can relate to as an “anger in” individual. I feel that in situations where conflict is involved I would rather vent my anger to someone else than actually confront the offensive person directly. I agree with the author when she states that by venting to someone we, “ devise constructive ways to handle it, and receive encouragement to confront the problem person.” (144) The one major flaw that I do see in this approach is it’s very one sided, meaning if all your time and energy is spent saying what the other person did wrong we fail to address the part that we played in the problem.  I think venting is useful for the reason that it allows you to get your feelings out about the person without the possibility of offending them. Though the issue will eventually have to be addressed I see this as good starting point in moving forward.

Week 7, Post #2

       After reading chapter 8 I determined that I agree my anger with an “ anger-in” approach. I tend to be the type that avoids confrontation and tend to be passive-aggressive. When I’m angry with someone I have a tendency to hold in my feelings and not confront the person about it. By the fact that I simply avoid situations of conflict all together I believe that the outcome tends to be negative when I expressive anger in a passive manner. The author says it best when it’s stated that they may, “ sulk around, expect you to read their minds, and become even angrier.” (144) I’m beginning to learn that by suppressing our anger when conflict arises we’re actually harming ourselves more than we think we’re doing ourselves a favor. Since I’ve always had negatives views associated with conflict it’s good too be informed of effective ways to address and deal with conflict. 

Week 7, Post #1

       In the first solution it states that passive mindless activities such as watching a movie may not do much to relieve the stress of a busy work/school schedule. It’s recommended that you do something active, which I can relate to. By going to the gym when I have free time it actually energizes me to get through my week. With the second solution to life’s challenges it is recommended to find joy in what we do. This can dramatically effect how you feel about work and school considering that’s what the majority of your time is spend doing. I try to view school as an investment in my future and see it as only a temporary bump in the road. By getting a good education it opens up many doors to do what truly makes you happy. In the third solution it’s said that joy and pain are found in the same place, which I can relate to in both my work and school life. Nothing gives me more satisfaction/annoyance than work and school. As long as I manage the stressors both can successfully co-exist.

Week 6, Post #3

When doing the reading for this week the concept of cooperation really seemed to resonate with me. Cooperation is essential in interpersonal communication and can benefit most everyone in their daily life. “ Cooperation means working together rather than against one another” (pg.110) This central idea discourages competition and encourages working together and engaging in honest communication. From my experience cooperation increases levels of trust, openness and collaboration. Specifically, in personal relationships cooperation leads to more of a happy median, versus a “ win-lose situation.” When this approach is taken in situations it allows people to focus more on their similarities, and less on their differences. An example of when cooperation helped the situation is when I was placed in a group with a classmate that I had worked with before and had a negative experience with.  When we were placed in the same group for a second time  we were both cooperative, which allowed us to work together producing a result that mutually satisfied both parties. 

Week 6, Post #2

Power is defined as, “ the ability to influence or control event.” (pg. 104) Therefore, when there is an unbalance of power in a relationship people are left feeling threatened. There are many different circumstances that contribute to the amount of power that an individual holds. There are many times in work related situations that the having more power equates to added responsibility and stress, which doesn’t appeal to me. Though this added power translates to a bigger paycheck it doesn’t always justify the added stresses that come with being a person of power. In my eyes having less power appeals to me most at this point. By working under people and taking direct orders from people above me it allows me to focus on other important areas of my life, such as school. Though this is only one example of an unbalanced power relationship it’s one that I can relate to and justify.

Week 6, Post #1

At one point or another we have been faced with situations that leave us with distrust with another person. By definition distrust means, “ we lack confidence in another person, we do not rely on that person, and/or we are suspicious or wary of her or him.” (pg.111) In High School I lost trust in one of my really close friends after I found out that he was seeing my ex girlfriend. I felt like it was a violation of the unwritten code of friendship. I reacted to the loss of trust by distancing myself from him due to the fact that I couldn’t bring myself to respect someone that would do that to one of his friends. As time went on the trust was restored when I saw that he was no longer that same person that he was years ago. I do believe that people can change, yet it has to be proven with concrete actions. Regaining trust doesn’t happen overnight, nor does it ensure that things will be back to the way they used to be. Ultimately, trust can take seconds to destroy and years to be restored.

Week 4, Post #3

      In this weeks reading I learned an important concept called personalized communication. This kind of communication is a language using “I” statements. By using “I” instead of “You” statements it alleviates any type of defensiveness that may arise during communication.  There are many advantages to using “I” statements a few being: revealing honesty, providing necessary information, and reducing defensiveness.  Though there is a certain level of vulnerability that comes with using “I” statements I believe that it personalizes communication. When having a conflict with a loved one by choosing your words wisely and using “I” statements it allows for you to get your point across more effectively without the other person feeling attacked. For example, when I had an issue with someone I worked with I voiced my feelings using “ I” statements ,which showed her how I was feeling without pointing the finger at her.  I find that by learning about more effective ways of communication we can help to eliminate conflict in our life, or at least learn how to better deal with it.

Week 4, Post #2

       In chapter 4 it states, “ Thinking is more than simply ruminating about the conflict: effective conflict managers effectively analyze the situation.” (pg.70) This quote really resonates with me because when other people talk to me I try to not only listen to what they’re saying but also pick up on other non-verbal messages. A perfect example of this is body language, you can tell a lot about what or how a person is feeling by the way that they present themselves. I personally try my best listen to what people are saying, even if I think my ideas are more warranted. I do this to gain a better understanding of where the other person is coming from. Unfortunately, I do have trouble retaining some of the information that the person has told me because I’m already mentally set in my ways. Often times taking the time to listen is one of the most important things you can do when engaging in  interpersonal communication.

Week 4, Post #1

       Based on the S-TLC system, it demonstrates how to resolve interpersonal conflict through basic communication skills.  S-TLC stands for:  stop, think, listen, communicate. Though this is an effective way to deal with conflict hypothetically it’s often times hard to not respond automatically when a conflict arises. This system tries to teach us that by taking the necessary steps to resolve conflict instead of acting impulsively the outcome will be more favorable. For people that have a problem acting impulsively I would give them the advice to just stop! By stopping when a conflict arises it allows ourselves to regain our composure and act in a more responsible way.  When I feel a conflict arising in my personal life the way I prefer to take a time out is by going to the gym. By removing myself from a hostile situation and going to work out it allows me to relieve stress as well as think of a better, and mutually beneficial solution to the existing conflict.

Week 3, Post #3

When talking about mediation the term intake arises, meaning. “ the preliminary phase in which the parties seek help from a third person who decided to intervene.” ( pg.200) When solving issues involving conflict getting a third part involved as a mediator allows for both disputants views to be heard in a controlled environment. I perfect example of this is in an old job that I used to have there was an issue between me and a manager. It got to a point where we weren’t  going to resolve the conflict between the two of us so someone from the human resources department got involved in the dispute. This is a very effective way to address the issues at hand in a non threatening environment. Both sides were heard from the people in HR and eventually the conflict was resolved mainly in part due to the help of the informal mediation by a third party.

Week 3, Post #2

When dealing with any issues of conflict I believe that it’s all about how you approach the situation. For example, when framing is used mediators ask neutral, friendly questions to avoid passing blame or passing judgment. Also, reframing is a way to diffuse a situation dealing with conflict. This involves taking negative or biased statement and turning them into a more neutral, or relatable idea making it more approachable. Common ground is also a major thing that mediators must highlight. If commonalities are expressed an agreement is more likely to be met. Also, by using fractionation we can turn complex issues of conflict into smaller more approachable ones. I believe that conflict is bound to happen it’s just a matter of how we deal with it. These four techniques I listed are effective ways to address conflict and determine a route towards agreement when conflict is involved.

Week 3, Post #1

To answer this question we must understand what exactly the role of a mediator is. A mediator is defined as “ a neutral third-party who has no decision-making power regarding the outcome of the mediation.” (pg.197)  Communication majors would make good mediators because I feel like we would encourage the people involved to communicate and work together to develop a solution. I believe that communication majors demonstrate subjective neutrality which, “honors the validity of each person’s story without deciding who is right or wrong.” (pg.197) On the other hand lawyers would find it difficult to play the role of a mediator considering that what they do for a living is take sides and remaining neutral never happens.  I don’t quite see how psychotherapists would have a difficulty being mediator considering that it’s their job to create a positive atmosphere and listen without being judgmental.  If a psychotherapist wasn’t a good mediator I think they should consider another line of work.

Week 2, Post #3

A concept that I learned from reading this weeks assigned reading is called gunny-sacking. When this occurs hurt or anger is stored up until they eventually explode. From my personal experiences this is something that I try to avoid at all costs. By addressing issues before they become toxic is one way to avoid conflict. This is done through being assertive, if issues are just bottled in their bound to reach a breaking point resulting a negative result. If we are honest to ourselves and the people around us about our feelings we won’t have to hide them. In my last relationship we failed to communicate our issues with each other and just avoided them all together. Unfortunately, this resulted in us resenting each other because what could have been easily fixed if addressed was put off for so long that it caused our relationship to turn sour. Through gunny-sacking little problems turn into big problems due to the lack of communication when dealing with issues of conflict.

Week 2, Post #2

When it comes to parenting I believe that every parent has the right to raise their child the way that they chose. However, there is communication considerations, or factors that influence the choice of one’s approach. One thing that I don’t stand for is mental or physical abuse to a child. When disciplining a child hitting them encourages violence and gives the child the idea that you gain power through physically harming someone. This idea could be carried on into adult hood and negatively used in future relationships. Disciplining a child should consist of things that hurt far longer than a spanking, such as loss of privileges. By removing your child from certain activities that they enjoy it shows them that these are in fact privileges earned by good behavior. People overstep their paternal authority when they cause bodily harm to their child or plants ideas in their head that their somehow inferior, which leads to lasting emotional trauma. Every situation involving parenting varies in some way and the approach parents take often times depends on many contributing factors. 

Week 2, Post #1

In dealing with conflicts I seem to favor the relationship-centered orientation. I do believe in assertive communication, which is “ the ability to speak up for one’s interests, concerns, or rights in a way that does not interfere with the interests or infringes on the rights of others.” (pg. 53) I use this orientation because the conflict isn’t resolved until both parties involved are satisfied. I’m a firm believer in compromising when solving conflict, which in turn leads to initiating a problem solving strategy. Through assertiveness we are able to reach a middle ground without being passive or overly aggressive. When dealing with conflict I try to keep an open mind and deal with the issues at hand in the most civil way possible. The only exception I can think of is when the person involved in the conflict with me is completely unresponsive and hostile in return at my civil attempt to compromise.

Week 1, Post #3

One concept from this weeks reading that I can relate to is the “ Confrontation Avoidance Cycle.” I can think of a time specifically in which avoiding conflict ends up backfiring and leading to a continuous negative view of conflict.  Growing up as a young child we’re taught that conflict is something that we should avoid. When I was younger I got picked on a lot for being over-weight yet I continually ignored the kids teasing me because the situation made me nervous. Naturally, we tend to put off or avoid situations that make us nervous. Though this may be a short term fix, many issues worsen the longer they are ignored. As I tried my best to ignore the bullies and avoid conflict entirely, my anxiety surrounding the conflict led me to act out and handle the conflict badly. Instead of addressing the conflict in the proper way I avoided confrontation for so long that one day I snapped and got into a fight with the kid that was bulling me. It was because of the way that I viewed conflict and the way that I handled the situation, that my negative view of conflict was confirmed and the cycle started again.

Week 1, Post #2

        Though I believe a non-process view of communication, relationships, or conflict is unbeneficial we’re all guilty of it at one point or another. I find that often times the thoughts or feelings we have about these such issues are often stagnant and rarely waiver as a result of the natural fear that human beings have of change. What we are most comfortable with can take precedent over what might benefit us or the people around us most. I take a non-process view from the standpoint that I don’t necessarily agree that there are a series of stages, but more certain behaviors or actions that lead to our views. It’s these very views that are the basis in social situations involving communication, relationships, and conflict. I believe that thinking can be changed by education ourselves. Many people view conflict as a negative thing, though the act of conflict resolution may benefit us more than if we had no had the conflict at all. Learning is an on-going process that requires you to constantly change your thinking. Through conflict resolution we are able to identify the six confrontation steps and eventually resolve the conflict. By learning to identify the problems, needs, and issues one is able to come to a mutual understanding and eventually reach an agreement.

Week 1, Post #1

       According to a number of recent studies conflict is a “ common and inevitable feature” in close social relationships. (pg.6) Humans are often put into situations where conflict arises, it’s at this point for each individual to decide how they will respond to this conflict. I do believe that conflict is an inborn trait considering that as human beings we have emotions and certain moral standards in which we live by. Though I view conflict as a normal human trait, it shouldn’t effect our relationships with the people we surround ourselves with. I actually see conflict as a valuable asset because in the conflict management process we learn to listen to the opposing sides of the people involved as well as developing or improving our relationship with the people involved. Due to the fact that conflict in communication is bound to happen at one point or another it’s best to know how to deal with conflict in communication, and view it positively as a way to resolve problems.

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Hello class! My name is Mark Lazar and I'm a 23 year old junior. I'm a Communications major here at SJSU. When I'm not doing school related things I spend the majority of my time working at a wine bar/restaurant on Santana Row. On the rare occasions that I have time off from work or school I enjoy playing basketball, working out, playing poker, or spending time with friends and family. I look forward to this class and getting to work with everyone. If you have any questions feel free to ask, I'd be more than happy to answer them!